[Vergil hums thoughtfully. As he begins petting Nero's hair again, he says,] I believe I'm starting to understand why some species devour their young.
[The petting of Nero's hair and allowing him to remain flopped on top of him like an occasionally wriggly weighted blanket likely somewhat undermines any potential notion there's anything serious behind the remark though. Vergil spares a glance down at Nero before looking up at the ceiling.]
[He doesn't say it—not because he's concerned it wouldn't be well-received, but rather because he feels it isn't necessary—but he's a little glad Nero didn't leave him on his own. Well. Not a little. A lot, actually. But still, he's glad. As much as Vergil doesn't wish to particularly place his well-being on Nero's shoulders as his responsibility, Nero proved to be not just a good distraction for putting the nightmare out of his mind, but a comforting one. He's safe. He's himself. He's a mild pain in the ass and a little too smart with his mouth for his own good, but he... He cares. He cares a lot and perhaps more than he should or Vergil deserves from him, but he cares.]
[It's something Vergil is still working out for himself. The notion that people care. That it's okay to let them. He's not... Well, no, he's actually terrible at allowing for that. But he's been trying to let it happen more lately. He doesn't question it as much when Dante goes out of his way and does something considerate for Vergil. He tries not to rationalize the kind things Mizu does for him as being something rooted in her usual pragmatism. As much as he can, he tries not to bristle and go looking for thinly veiled insults when Nero wants to help. None of it is easy. He still slips up from time to time, and he knows his instinct will always be to lick his wounds in private than allow them to be witness to any sort of vulnerability or weakness. But he's trying. He's trying all the time to convince himself that he finally has everything that he's ever wanted.]
[Turning his head aside to rest his cheek against the pillow, Vergil lays there silently for a little while before he reaches a decision.]
I love you, too, Nero.
[It still feels like a risk to say. There's likely never going to be a scenario in which Vergil does not feel like he is tempting fate, and they are probably always going to be words that Vergil will want to draw back the moment they leave his mouth. But he knows he's not the best at clearly demonstrating it, and worse yet at receiving and recognizing it in return. So, regardless of how Nero reacts or what he says—if he even says anything at all—or Vergil's own discomfort in saying it, he decided it's more important to acknowledge it. Because there have been and likely will be plenty of doubts and uncertainties in their relationship as father and son, but Vergil knows this should not be one of them.]
[So, he says it with no meandering preamble or confusing allusions. He learned his lesson with all of that a while ago, and offers the plain truth instead. What Nero does with it is entirely up to him, but it's his to have regardless. As it always should have been the moment he was conceived had Vergil not unwittingly withheld it from him by his decision to run. The guilt of that is not likely something that will leave Vergil anytime soon, but it's not where he places his attention right now. Right now, Vergil is with his son who made the conscious choice to stay even when he knew Vergil would not have taken any particular offense had he chosen otherwise, and is more grateful for that decision than he can likely ever express.]
no subject
[The petting of Nero's hair and allowing him to remain flopped on top of him like an occasionally wriggly weighted blanket likely somewhat undermines any potential notion there's anything serious behind the remark though. Vergil spares a glance down at Nero before looking up at the ceiling.]
[He doesn't say it—not because he's concerned it wouldn't be well-received, but rather because he feels it isn't necessary—but he's a little glad Nero didn't leave him on his own. Well. Not a little. A lot, actually. But still, he's glad. As much as Vergil doesn't wish to particularly place his well-being on Nero's shoulders as his responsibility, Nero proved to be not just a good distraction for putting the nightmare out of his mind, but a comforting one. He's safe. He's himself. He's a mild pain in the ass and a little too smart with his mouth for his own good, but he... He cares. He cares a lot and perhaps more than he should or Vergil deserves from him, but he cares.]
[It's something Vergil is still working out for himself. The notion that people care. That it's okay to let them. He's not... Well, no, he's actually terrible at allowing for that. But he's been trying to let it happen more lately. He doesn't question it as much when Dante goes out of his way and does something considerate for Vergil. He tries not to rationalize the kind things Mizu does for him as being something rooted in her usual pragmatism. As much as he can, he tries not to bristle and go looking for thinly veiled insults when Nero wants to help. None of it is easy. He still slips up from time to time, and he knows his instinct will always be to lick his wounds in private than allow them to be witness to any sort of vulnerability or weakness. But he's trying. He's trying all the time to convince himself that he finally has everything that he's ever wanted.]
[Turning his head aside to rest his cheek against the pillow, Vergil lays there silently for a little while before he reaches a decision.]
I love you, too, Nero.
[It still feels like a risk to say. There's likely never going to be a scenario in which Vergil does not feel like he is tempting fate, and they are probably always going to be words that Vergil will want to draw back the moment they leave his mouth. But he knows he's not the best at clearly demonstrating it, and worse yet at receiving and recognizing it in return. So, regardless of how Nero reacts or what he says—if he even says anything at all—or Vergil's own discomfort in saying it, he decided it's more important to acknowledge it. Because there have been and likely will be plenty of doubts and uncertainties in their relationship as father and son, but Vergil knows this should not be one of them.]
[So, he says it with no meandering preamble or confusing allusions. He learned his lesson with all of that a while ago, and offers the plain truth instead. What Nero does with it is entirely up to him, but it's his to have regardless. As it always should have been the moment he was conceived had Vergil not unwittingly withheld it from him by his decision to run. The guilt of that is not likely something that will leave Vergil anytime soon, but it's not where he places his attention right now. Right now, Vergil is with his son who made the conscious choice to stay even when he knew Vergil would not have taken any particular offense had he chosen otherwise, and is more grateful for that decision than he can likely ever express.]