[The anecdote is charming. He's seen the family portrait now, so he has a very clear image of little Dante and Vergil seeking solace with their mother. Dante needing a lullaby to knock him out, while Vergil stubbornly insisted he didn't, until he did. Sounds like they've not changed at all.]
Yeah, you definitely don't want me singing you lullabies. [He breaks into a chuckle at the end of the sentence, no doubt picturing the scene.
It must have been nice... having a mother. Or a brother, for that matter. The other orphans were more like classmates than family members, and Nero got along with them differently at different times as kids came and went. But not him. All he had were the sisters who took care of the place. Sister Maria, the one who came up with the honey toast idea to soothe a restless and crying little Nero. Maybe a few times, when she was around at bedtime, he crawled into the lap of Kyrie's mother just to see what it was like.
He doesn't really want to get into any of that out loud. As much as it's sharing a piece of himself, it feels to him like a lowkey indictment of Vergil. If things were different, Nero could have crawled into his lap, or Beatrice's. But they weren't.
And anyway... it's not about him right now. They're here to take care of Vergil.]
What kind of stuff did she sing? Like, old folk songs or... [He barely knows any that aren't about Sparda. Which he imagines would be weird for her to sing.]
cw: references to parent death, attempted murder of a child
[Vergil also chuckles near the end of Nero's sentence, shaking his head a little at the thought. He doesn't know whether or not Nero can actually carry a tune, but it seems unlikely. And even if he could, the scenario could not get much more absurd. Looking to Nero, Vergil's smile fades slightly at the question.]
Her bedtime stories were always stories of Father, so we didn't miss him as much and it still felt like he was there with us. I think she made her lullabies for us for a similar reason, [he says, gaze dropping to the tea in his mug with a furrow in his brow. Vergil is quiet a moment before he continues,] But I've forgotten most of the words and melodies. I never heard them again after she died.
[Not that Vergil would have been able to stand it if he had heard them again after her death. For so long, he carried the guilt of not being strong enough to save her or Dante, and carried a resentment over being left to die alone that only grew when he thought her final act had been to save Dante. Back then, they would have just felt little more than pretty lies while nowadays, it would be difficult to not have no small amount of grief overshadow whatever comfort there might be. And for that, he does feel a sense of shame. Eva's lullabies were a gift of love that Vergil never learned to really accept, discarding them out of guilt and grief and resentment, and now finding himself without years and years later.]
I was never particularly inclined towards music like your uncle though, [he says before he can allow that feeling to settle too much. Vergil lifts his gaze again, but still does not look at Nero again just yet as he continues,] And I'd say I've been a little too old for lullabies for a long time.
Oh. [Is all he says for a moment. He didn't intend to cross over into a sad memory with that question. On second thought, he feels like kicking himself for asking about Eva at all. She died when the twins were eight. But it's hard to know where the line is when he only knows the broad strokes. Even more so when he knows he doesn't really have the experience to guess as much by empathy. He never had a mother. Or he did, rather, and lost her so long ago it was like she was never real in his eyes.
How's that old saying go? Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have known love at all? Something like that.
At least Vergil gives him something to recover with.] I think music's like food. Everybody needs it... you just gotta find what you like.
[He gives his father a slight sidelong glance and smiles faintly.] I'd peg you for a classical guy, with the poetry and all but. I don't know. Maybe you're a secret metalhead and we don't know it yet.
[He looks at Nero when he carefully pivots the conversation topic away from any further discussion of Eva, raising an eyebrow before shaking his head at the accusation of classical music being his preferred genre. The assumptions that are made about his tastes... Okay, they're perhaps not unfair, but he still finds it absurd to be so pigeonholed and stereotyped so readily. It's along the lines of the assumption that he just portals all over Folkmore whenever he wants to go somewhere.]
This isn't going to lead to you and Dante dragging me to music stores and venues to try various albums and genres, is it? [With one hand, he reaches over and ruffles Nero's hair. It's no less affectionate, but it is a bit rougher than usual so there's a perfect excuse to put Nero in a loose headlock when he inevitable squirms.] Because I think I already put up enough with the two of you staring at me when I eat, don't I?
[He's teasing, of course. While Vergil might not have as much personal investment as the other two in finding his favorite foods or show much sign of changing his eating habits towards anything resembling indulgence, he doesn't have a tendency to complain about it. Vergil may not know what to do with Dante and Nero caring as much as they do (or understand the ways that they care) but he knows better now than to take something like that entirely for granted. So, the complaints are kept to a minimum, and provided he isn't in a foul mood, Vergil has been willing to humor it each time.]
[Look, Vergil, he could be stereotyping you based off of his initial impressions of you... the classical music thing is quite generous a stereotype at this point, even if it isn't true.
... is it true? He's not been terribly clear...]
What, that doesn't sound fun to you? [Teasing back. Here is when he's hair-ruffled and pulled into a headlock. Nero grunts and puts up the cursory, expected amount of fussing before giving up and letting his head flop against Vergil, lazily turning to rest his head against the side of his shoulder at an easy angle.
He nudges an elbow back to gently rib him.]
We could skip it if you tell me like, ONE genre you like. Or even one song.
[Vergil allows for the gentle ribbing and lets Nero rest against him still.]
One piece of music that I like, and you would skip all that? [Vergil has plain and obvious doubts that it won't just encourage it all the same. The only thing he thinks would actually change is there would perhaps be bit more of a guided direction rather than taking random stabs in the dark based on what he supposes someone with Vergil's temperament would like.] Somehow, I just don't believe you.
[Vergil threads his fingers through Nero's hair, but gentler this time. More in the usual manner that he tends to pet Nero's hair.]
But I don't find most classical music any more interesting to listen to than you likely do. I only listened to a few composers from the 19th century when I was still a child.
[Which if Nero can piece it together by artistic movement that means, yes, Vergil absolutely was listening to music that would have been contemporary to his favorite poets. But the fact Vergil was that much of a nerd when he was younger that he would have gone looking for music that the poets he admired would have heard and appreciated shouldn't come as some great shock to Nero at this point.]
And some of that was because I didn't want to like the same things as Dante did. So, I listened to things I knew he wouldn't have the patience for, and even if I did like some of the same songs he did, I pretended to hate them.
[So, shocker upon shockers, Vergil actually isn't about to faint or wrinkle his nose at the sound of a guitar or power chords and call it all noise. He might not be up for the metal Nero listens to necessarily, but he's not so stuffy or even all that snobbish in his tastes to think there's no merit to it.]
[He grins a little at Nero.]
You know, I once memorized the entire soundtrack to Singin' in the Rain just to retaliate and annoy him right back when he wouldn't leave me alone. Didn't work for long because you know how your uncle is. [He always manages to find a way to turn things on their head. All it took was an interest in it even feigned and Vergil had to abandon it.] But it gave me a small reprieve.
I'd at least skip the shops and albums I know you won't like.
[He can't help but laugh low under his breath at the anecdote. Little baby Vergil listens to things because he thinks Dante hates them, unless Dante likes them, at which point he decides to hate them. That sounds like the kind of joke Nero would make about the twins.]
What a contrary little brat. [Said fondly though, as dubbed such by another contrary little brat.
The important thing is, he got a damn answer! Sort of!]
Kyrie likes those kind of musical movies too. I've seen more than you probably bet I have. [He also won't admit he enjoys them. Corny as they can be, the sheer entertainment value of real singing and dancing... it's cool, you know?
In response to the hair-petting, he flops a hand on Vergil's knee and gives it a friendly little squeeze. Only because it's a weird angle for him to try going for his hair, over here.]
And look, maybe it's annoying when we're staring at you, but I like learning about you. Stuff you like and what makes you happy.
[Vergil huffs a small chuckle at the (correct) accusation of being a brat in his youth and hums his agreement on the likelihood that Nero has seen more of those sorts of movies than Vergil even if most of his viewings have been an incidental by-product of his relationship rather than anything he sought out for himself to watch. A lot ceased to be of particular priority for Vergil after his mother died, and consumption of art of any kind was one of them. It's not to say he didn't ever indulge, but... Well, he probably saw, listened to, and read more in his time with Beatrice than he had since he was eight years old.]
[He doesn't know what to say to Nero saying he likes learning about him though, and the words hang there in the air without a response right away. Vergil takes another sip of his tea before setting the mug aside on the nightstand. He takes the plate and places it in his lap, taking his arm and hand back to begin tearing the slice of toast in half.]
That hasn't been a concern of mine in a long time. [It's not much of a confession considering that Nero likely figured that out for himself. But what he says next, Vergil has to take a moment to take a breath and part with it because it's something Vergil has never acknowledged aloud let alone to Nero.] I didn't care much for things while I was still in the human world, and I missed a lot in the decades I was away.
[He offers half the slice of toast to Nero without him having to ask for it. He's not liable to eat all of it anyways, so he'd rather it not go to waste.]
[He accepts the piece of toast. Hopes he isn't about to get crumbs all over Vergil's bed, too. He'll be extra careful.
Things feel a little more solemn when Vergil admits that he didn't care much for things-- either because he didn't or because he couldn't. He was "away" from the human world? That mention puts a little pit in Nero's stomach. The only other option he's aware of is the demon world, the underworld. The place Nero came here to try and rescue him from to begin with. Does that mean...]
Yeah. I kinda figured that much.
[He takes a bite of toast while he figures out what else to say.]
All the more reason you should try lots of things now, right?
When I want to, [Vergil says. Which he recognizes may sound a bit strange. He knows Nero's smart enough to understand the unspoken implication of where Vergil had been if he wasn't in the human world. It wouldn't be an unfair assumption to think Vergil would be like a man starved, eager to consume everything and anything he can get his hands on. Perhaps if his temperament or the circumstances of why he was gone for so long were different, he might. Vergil doesn't take a bite of the toast just yet in trying to think of how exactly to explain it better to Nero without necessarily getting into the worst parts of it. He nods in the direction of his bookshelf.] I used to have a bookshelf about that size in my bedroom with nearly every shelf filled. I shared it with Dante, but it felt like it was mine more than his. Most of the books were mine, and he only ever really touched them to hide them from me so I'd pay attention to him.
The book that I— That V carried. I only had it for a few days before... I didn't even get a chance to properly read it. And I'd left it behind the day Mother died. I didn't bring it with me to the playground and I never went back for it. I simply took the Yamato and left. [There had been nothing left for Vergil to go back for, only a path forward.] But it survived. Of all the books that were once mine, it was the only one to truly survive the fire and the elements and time.
[He glances at Nero, smiling faintly.]
It was the first thing I reclaimed as my own, but it still felt strange in some ways to call it mine.
[He doesn't know if that actually clarified anything for Nero, but Vergil hopes it does. He hopes Nero understands that the times where he seems indifferent or even outright resistant to new things and experiences isn't because he's a stick in the mud or because of some haughty perspective that nothing new can possibly be as good as what he knew. The day he lost his family was the day Vergil began to lose pieces of himself, and he never once went looking for them again. It's those fragments that he's looking for now. He knows it's an impossible task to reclaim them all and living entirely in the past would serve no purpose, but. He wants as many pieces of himself as he can find back. He owes it to himself and to his family—both those lost and those found—to be the better man he's trying to be. So, he's not always ready for something new. He's not always open to it when there are missing or broken pieces he's trying to account for.]
[He's quiet then, idly tapping his fingers on Vergil's knee as he explains his thoughts. Nero knows exactly where the book is right now, sitting on his nightstand back at the apartment. Somehow he can almost feel its weight from here, learning exactly how significant it is to Vergil. One piece of a past that he left behind by choice, resurfacing whole and intact. That's a suitable description of Vergil's life so far... as Nero knows it currently, anyway.]
I'm taking good care of it back home. I'll give it back when I can.
[He thinks for a moment before saying anything else, stuck on that first statement he made.]
You can always tell me to back off. If you really don't want to do something. I get excited, finding things you like. But we don't mean to be pushy. It's just how me and Dante...
[The statement fades in his throat before he can finish it, and he knows what treacherous phrase causes this.]
We're all still trying to find ways to connect with each other, you know? Even if we do it differently.
[As Nero takes a moment to think, Vergil finally takes a bite of the toast. It's not exactly something he would think to have as a snack, but it's certainly head and shoulders above some of the highly processed sugary snacks Dante's foisted on him a few times. Vergil's attention is drawn away from the toast back to Nero though. Confusion and surprise intermingle in Vergil's expression as it sounds just a step removed from an apology. One not asked for and wholly unnecessary. He's about to say as much when Nero's sentence fades, but Nero speaks again before Vergil can finish drawing the breath to speak.]
[Setting the toast back down on the plate, Vergil shakes his head.]
Foolish child... [The arm that once held Nero in a headlock comes to more properly wrap around Nero.] While I appreciate the sentiment behind your words, do you really think I would so much as tolerate let alone silently tolerate anything I did not wish to partake in?
[Even if Nero hasn't necessarily been witness to Vergil's more foul moods, he has seen instances of when Vergil wishes to be left alone. He does not make himself available to others and withdraws quickly. His aptitude for being curt and blunt seems to somehow increase. But in that way, Vergil is not cagey or secretive. His mood and desires are made abundantly clear, and his window of tolerance for not receiving what it is he wants is exceptionally narrow compared to usual as compromise is even less of an option.]
I will concede in that I do not share in the...volume of your uncle's or your enthusiasm, but do not mistake my quiet for dissatisfaction. [The arm around Nero raises slightly so that Vergil can thread his fingers through Nero's hair.] I like when you share things with me and how you go about sharing them.
Admittedly, it reminds me of your mother by the sheer amount and speed at which you talk once you truly get going, [he says with a quiet chuckle,] but your passion for things in life is still entirely your own. And I would not...
[He falters there, his nightmare hanging over them like a specter even if it is not what they are explicitly discussing in this exact moment. But Vergil draws another breath and brushes it aside as best he can.]
I would not want anything to take that from you.
[In that one way, Vergil is especially grateful that Nero is so different from him. Whatever parts of Nero's life that have been less than ideal, Vergil would rather any of those than to have Nero stripped of that vibrancy for life.]
So, unless you feel particularly like providing me with a newfound concern, I would suggest you start making plans for which music store you have in mind to drag me to without any sort of proper warning for in the next few days.
I dunno... feels like you can tolerate a whole lot more shit from me than most people.
[His tone is teasing, but his smile is tilted a little closer to relief when his father hassles him over what wasn't exactly an apology... a boundary check, maybe. Nero's not under any impression that Vergil is capable of being FORCED to do anything he doesn't want to. But neither does he want to force Vergil to have to bring it up between them. As anxious as he is about pissing off his dad, he's certain Vergil is similarly if not even more anxious about shoving Nero away somehow.
Once again, he gives the expected amount of wiggly protest to being held still, though only enough to give him plausible deniability if he's accused of actually enjoying it. The hair thing settles him down again. He can admit he's fond of how this has become a normal point of contact between them. Like feral cat father, like feral cat son.
Nero grins when he's compared to his mother. It's nice to have those little details to fill out his mental picture of her. It's not quite enough to distract him entirely from that falter, and he wonders briefly if something's wrong. But Vergil moves on quickly enough that he decides not to pick at it or dwell on it.]
Are you kidding? I'd like to see anybody fucking try to chill me out. [He bumps Vergil's knee lightly with a fist.] I'm a goddamn supernova.
[He glances over with another, wickeder flavor of grin.]
Good. Cuz if you said no, I would have just found some other way to spring it on you.
[He rolls his eyes fondly at Nero's exaggerated declaration if only because it is perhaps not entirely exaggerated. Nero is still Vergil's son after all, and regardless of how different their temperaments tend to be, he certainly inherited Vergil's stubborn willfulness.]
Of course you would have. You're a stubborn brat, [he says, mussing up Nero's hair. Whatever perfunctory resistance that inspires, Vergil ignores and presses a kiss to the crown of Nero's head before smoothing his hair back down with a fond smile. Yes, he is a stubborn brat. One that Vergil is immensely proud of and wouldn't likely be here without. Vergil doesn't say anything to it though, lowering his hand from Nero's hair to give him a few solid pats to his side.] And one that needs to not start winding himself up if he decides to stay here for the night unless he wants to be immensely cranky tomorrow because he stayed up too late.
[As if Vergil wasn't always exceptionally careful about not disturbing Nero when he woke up before him while they were still all crammed together in Vergil's apartment, and let Nero sleep in as late as he pleased.]
[He chuckles, and is definitely not turning tomato-red when his father kisses his head. Nope. Trick of the light. No matter how obvious and visibly Nero's coloration shows that he is blushing up a storm.
Not that it puts a damper on any of his sass.]
Aww, gee, Dad. First time you've ever called me a brat...
[Nero wearing the title of a brat like a badge of honor? It's...actually exactly as Vergil anticipated Nero would react.]
Oh, it didn't, [he teases with a shake of his head.] The thought has been there for quite some time and you've done exemplary work to reinforce it. I just do not always say every thought that comes to my mind unlike someone else I could name.
[Vergil punctuates his statement with a rough pinch to Nero's absolutely not red cheek.]
[Oh, yes. Especially when it comes from his very own real life father.]
So you were holding out on me, then!
[He's not blushing! Nobody say he was blushing! They're lying!!!
He cackles and gently swats at Vergil's hand. The intention wasn't to come in here and roughhouse with him, but... a little bit won't hurt, right?]
Like I said. Nothing and nobody's gonna shut me up.
[He pushes with his feet to lean back on Vergil as hard as he can, then finally slips to flop with his head in his lap, as usual. He's sticking his tongue out when he lands. Kind of a miracle it's not accompanied with the middle finger, just for extra sass.]
[He lets his hand be swatted away, but he does not let Nero push him into any particular hazard of leaning let alone tipping over. Vergil remains where he is, but grunts quietly as Nero slips and flops down into his lap. He clicks his tongue in faux offense at Nero sticking his tongue out at him, admonishing him by grabbing hold of Nero's chin and giving his head a light shake.]
Ah, there they are. I was beginning to think you'd abandoned all semblance of manners. [He releases Nero's chin and lets him be.] But I suppose I owe you an apology for doubting you. Your toast appears to have done the trick.
[The tongue-waving only intensifies when Vergil grabs his chin, accompanied by a snarky little smirk around it. Maybe it's childish but... it's kind of fun to be childish when it comes to Vergil. Not like either of them got to enjoy it when he was a child, after all.
And there's something he craves in just... the reassurance that comes with playful brattiness, roughhousing, teasing... disapproval that's not about his strength. Just about him acting like a bit of a shit because it's fun to tease his dad.
His tongue draws back into his mouth when Vergil lets him go, and at once he's back to being nearly 24 instead of 4.]
Great! I told you. It works every time.
[He takes the opportunity to reach up and muss Vergil's hair in turn, though it's a little more affectionate than it is taunting, somehow.]
[The hand in his hair catches Vergil off-guard and visibly so. The surprise in his expression borders on confusion, and he doesn't do anything immediately to protect his hair. If anything, the gentle swatting of Nero's hand out of his hair seems more like an absentminded afterthought than anything else when it does happen. It's not a bad thing, and Vergil doesn't take it as anything other than a bit of returned affection. It's just a bit...strange as most new things are. And coming from Nero, it's new. He usually goes for flopping bodily upon Vergil as he did a moment ago. Usually after working up a bit of nerve to do it, Vergil thinks. Nero leans a lot on him until then, and then he makes up his mind if he wants to lay on him or simply go for a hug.]
[Vergil smooths his hair back into place for all the good that it does when it will inevitably end up back in his eyes again come morning. Even now, a few rebellious loose strands fall out of place.]
No more bad dreams, [he echoes in agreement before there's light, repeated jabs to Nero's ribs.] Assuming you let me sleep at all tonight. This appears to be a recurring issue when I let you sleep in here.
[He uses the continued poking and prodding at Nero as a means of settling and laying back down himself without really having to completely move Nero off him entirely.]
[Whoop. Broke the dad, temporarily. Nero gives him his moment to contemplate the reverse hair ruffle, only smiling. No matter how tempted he is to tease a little about how surprised he looks.
Jeez. You knock a few of those strict slicked-back strands loose and you can really see the resemblance between them.
Nero is astute enough to move this way or that, letting Vergil lie back without too much fuss.]
Good thing you ate your toast. I was gonna have to keep you up all night just in case.
[As for Nero, he looks extremely comfortable right where he is and shows no sign of departing.]
[Vergil hums thoughtfully. As he begins petting Nero's hair again, he says,] I believe I'm starting to understand why some species devour their young.
[The petting of Nero's hair and allowing him to remain flopped on top of him like an occasionally wriggly weighted blanket likely somewhat undermines any potential notion there's anything serious behind the remark though. Vergil spares a glance down at Nero before looking up at the ceiling.]
[He doesn't say it—not because he's concerned it wouldn't be well-received, but rather because he feels it isn't necessary—but he's a little glad Nero didn't leave him on his own. Well. Not a little. A lot, actually. But still, he's glad. As much as Vergil doesn't wish to particularly place his well-being on Nero's shoulders as his responsibility, Nero proved to be not just a good distraction for putting the nightmare out of his mind, but a comforting one. He's safe. He's himself. He's a mild pain in the ass and a little too smart with his mouth for his own good, but he... He cares. He cares a lot and perhaps more than he should or Vergil deserves from him, but he cares.]
[It's something Vergil is still working out for himself. The notion that people care. That it's okay to let them. He's not... Well, no, he's actually terrible at allowing for that. But he's been trying to let it happen more lately. He doesn't question it as much when Dante goes out of his way and does something considerate for Vergil. He tries not to rationalize the kind things Mizu does for him as being something rooted in her usual pragmatism. As much as he can, he tries not to bristle and go looking for thinly veiled insults when Nero wants to help. None of it is easy. He still slips up from time to time, and he knows his instinct will always be to lick his wounds in private than allow them to be witness to any sort of vulnerability or weakness. But he's trying. He's trying all the time to convince himself that he finally has everything that he's ever wanted.]
[Turning his head aside to rest his cheek against the pillow, Vergil lays there silently for a little while before he reaches a decision.]
I love you, too, Nero.
[It still feels like a risk to say. There's likely never going to be a scenario in which Vergil does not feel like he is tempting fate, and they are probably always going to be words that Vergil will want to draw back the moment they leave his mouth. But he knows he's not the best at clearly demonstrating it, and worse yet at receiving and recognizing it in return. So, regardless of how Nero reacts or what he says—if he even says anything at all—or Vergil's own discomfort in saying it, he decided it's more important to acknowledge it. Because there have been and likely will be plenty of doubts and uncertainties in their relationship as father and son, but Vergil knows this should not be one of them.]
[So, he says it with no meandering preamble or confusing allusions. He learned his lesson with all of that a while ago, and offers the plain truth instead. What Nero does with it is entirely up to him, but it's his to have regardless. As it always should have been the moment he was conceived had Vergil not unwittingly withheld it from him by his decision to run. The guilt of that is not likely something that will leave Vergil anytime soon, but it's not where he places his attention right now. Right now, Vergil is with his son who made the conscious choice to stay even when he knew Vergil would not have taken any particular offense had he chosen otherwise, and is more grateful for that decision than he can likely ever express.]
Ha ha ha... good luck, old man. I bet I taste like motor oil.
[The simple pleasures of annoying your dad. Nero doesn't think he'll ever get tired of savoring them.
He's about to get up and move to a more sensible position, maybe slide under the covers and settle in to actually fall asleep, but then Vergil says something he genuinely never expected to hear.
And like... look. He knows, on some level, that Vergil loves him. Parents are supposed to love their kids, and Vergil's gone above and beyond to prove that he wants to be the best father he's capable of being. He's said it, over and over again, how much Nero means to him and all the things he'd do to protect him. Even had trouble finding words to describe it. But if the idea of having a father who exists in his life is strange and new, the idea of hearing him say that he loves him is on a whole other level. Especially when that father is Vergil. Mr. Never Ever Vulnerable Under Pain of Death.
There's a moment where Nero just stares back at him with a disconcertingly blank, mystified look on his face. It might feel like an eternity, even though it's only a few seconds. It's the time it takes Nero to vividly recall what he almost said a little bit ago, to realize Vergil guessed it, to think he ought to just say it, to second-guess himself, and to repeat the process another six times before he finally gives any indication what he's thinking.
Yeah. Okay.]
Feels weird for us to even say it, huh? [From where they started to where they are now... that Nero can actually think it and mean it when he says] I love you too, Dad.
[To Vergil's credit, he tolerates the silence better than he might have months ago. Not to say that Vergil doesn't find it unnerving still, but he is at least able to exert enough patience that even as the seconds feel like they are stretching far too long, he does not begin to spiral into imagining the worst outcomes. Difficult as it is to soothe himself entirely, Vergil is able to at least bear in mind that expressing what he feels is not a bad thing. And if Nero does not yet feel the same, that's more than understandable. Vergil has been plain about his instantaneous devotion to Nero the moment he learned the truth, but Nero has also been clear about his own needs for a few things before he could sort through what he felt about Vergil and their relationship. Thus, even with things going well as they have been (and that's largely the reason why Vergil can soothe himself at all in Nero's prolonged silence), there are no guarantees.]
[Besides, Vergil didn't say it for his own benefit. And he certainly didn't say it because he expects to hear it back. It's an important thing for Vergil to remind himself of that as Nero stares blankly as he processes. He said it because he felt it was important for Nero to hear it. Regardless of the outcome.]
[...Oh, but how pleased and warm does Vergil feel to hear Nero say it back.]
[Vergil is so good, so well-trained in tamping down on his reactions. He taught himself how to cut them off at the pass, push them all so far away until it nearly felt like the emotions were happening to someone else. He isn't nearly so aggressive with them these days, but he still maintains a tight control over his emotions. He cannot now, however. He tries, of course. It feels immediately foolish to try, of course, as the attempt is futile in the end, but instincts and habits die especially hard when they were what keep one going for as long as they have for Vergil.]
[He turns his blurry gaze away from Nero, but despite his best efforts, his smile is not lessened in any capacity. Vergil is privately grateful his bedroom is at least dark enough that it would be difficult for Nero to tell how much his face is flushing over how difficult it is not to smile. It is absurd how much he's smiling. Utterly ridiculous. But he cannot help himself. Not when he knows it's something he's earned, something Nero came to feel with enough time and work between them. Vergil has probably never been prouder of himself, certainly not as a father. He definitely hasn't been as grateful to Nero. Not as himself, in any case. He takes a breath before he speaks again.]
Come, [he says pushing down the other side of the blankets for Nero to get settled.] You should get some sleep.
[Awwww, gee, look at him. He's so pleased. It's adorable.
But that's kept to himself, and a little warm smile of his own. Nero would never in a million years make a crack about Vergil smiling, or his honest reactions to what he knows must be an important thing for him to hear. That's why he said it, after all. Because some things are better said out loud than left to implication. Especially when they both know Vergil would consider it presumptuous to even guess such a thing.
When Vergil moves the blankets he finally sits up and scoots to the edge of the bed, just enough to kick off his lounge pants and dress down to his boxers. Then he slides under the covers and settles in with his arms pillowed behind his head.]
I'll tell you a bedtime story, if you want. Comes with the package.
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Yeah, you definitely don't want me singing you lullabies. [He breaks into a chuckle at the end of the sentence, no doubt picturing the scene.
It must have been nice... having a mother. Or a brother, for that matter. The other orphans were more like classmates than family members, and Nero got along with them differently at different times as kids came and went. But not him. All he had were the sisters who took care of the place. Sister Maria, the one who came up with the honey toast idea to soothe a restless and crying little Nero. Maybe a few times, when she was around at bedtime, he crawled into the lap of Kyrie's mother just to see what it was like.
He doesn't really want to get into any of that out loud. As much as it's sharing a piece of himself, it feels to him like a lowkey indictment of Vergil. If things were different, Nero could have crawled into his lap, or Beatrice's. But they weren't.
And anyway... it's not about him right now. They're here to take care of Vergil.]
What kind of stuff did she sing? Like, old folk songs or... [He barely knows any that aren't about Sparda. Which he imagines would be weird for her to sing.]
cw: references to parent death, attempted murder of a child
Her bedtime stories were always stories of Father, so we didn't miss him as much and it still felt like he was there with us. I think she made her lullabies for us for a similar reason, [he says, gaze dropping to the tea in his mug with a furrow in his brow. Vergil is quiet a moment before he continues,] But I've forgotten most of the words and melodies. I never heard them again after she died.
[Not that Vergil would have been able to stand it if he had heard them again after her death. For so long, he carried the guilt of not being strong enough to save her or Dante, and carried a resentment over being left to die alone that only grew when he thought her final act had been to save Dante. Back then, they would have just felt little more than pretty lies while nowadays, it would be difficult to not have no small amount of grief overshadow whatever comfort there might be. And for that, he does feel a sense of shame. Eva's lullabies were a gift of love that Vergil never learned to really accept, discarding them out of guilt and grief and resentment, and now finding himself without years and years later.]
I was never particularly inclined towards music like your uncle though, [he says before he can allow that feeling to settle too much. Vergil lifts his gaze again, but still does not look at Nero again just yet as he continues,] And I'd say I've been a little too old for lullabies for a long time.
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How's that old saying go? Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have known love at all? Something like that.
At least Vergil gives him something to recover with.] I think music's like food. Everybody needs it... you just gotta find what you like.
[He gives his father a slight sidelong glance and smiles faintly.] I'd peg you for a classical guy, with the poetry and all but. I don't know. Maybe you're a secret metalhead and we don't know it yet.
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This isn't going to lead to you and Dante dragging me to music stores and venues to try various albums and genres, is it? [With one hand, he reaches over and ruffles Nero's hair. It's no less affectionate, but it is a bit rougher than usual so there's a perfect excuse to put Nero in a loose headlock when he inevitable squirms.] Because I think I already put up enough with the two of you staring at me when I eat, don't I?
[He's teasing, of course. While Vergil might not have as much personal investment as the other two in finding his favorite foods or show much sign of changing his eating habits towards anything resembling indulgence, he doesn't have a tendency to complain about it. Vergil may not know what to do with Dante and Nero caring as much as they do (or understand the ways that they care) but he knows better now than to take something like that entirely for granted. So, the complaints are kept to a minimum, and provided he isn't in a foul mood, Vergil has been willing to humor it each time.]
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... is it true? He's not been terribly clear...]
What, that doesn't sound fun to you? [Teasing back. Here is when he's hair-ruffled and pulled into a headlock. Nero grunts and puts up the cursory, expected amount of fussing before giving up and letting his head flop against Vergil, lazily turning to rest his head against the side of his shoulder at an easy angle.
He nudges an elbow back to gently rib him.]
We could skip it if you tell me like, ONE genre you like. Or even one song.
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One piece of music that I like, and you would skip all that? [Vergil has plain and obvious doubts that it won't just encourage it all the same. The only thing he thinks would actually change is there would perhaps be bit more of a guided direction rather than taking random stabs in the dark based on what he supposes someone with Vergil's temperament would like.] Somehow, I just don't believe you.
[Vergil threads his fingers through Nero's hair, but gentler this time. More in the usual manner that he tends to pet Nero's hair.]
But I don't find most classical music any more interesting to listen to than you likely do. I only listened to a few composers from the 19th century when I was still a child.
[Which if Nero can piece it together by artistic movement that means, yes, Vergil absolutely was listening to music that would have been contemporary to his favorite poets. But the fact Vergil was that much of a nerd when he was younger that he would have gone looking for music that the poets he admired would have heard and appreciated shouldn't come as some great shock to Nero at this point.]
And some of that was because I didn't want to like the same things as Dante did. So, I listened to things I knew he wouldn't have the patience for, and even if I did like some of the same songs he did, I pretended to hate them.
[So, shocker upon shockers, Vergil actually isn't about to faint or wrinkle his nose at the sound of a guitar or power chords and call it all noise. He might not be up for the metal Nero listens to necessarily, but he's not so stuffy or even all that snobbish in his tastes to think there's no merit to it.]
[He grins a little at Nero.]
You know, I once memorized the entire soundtrack to Singin' in the Rain just to retaliate and annoy him right back when he wouldn't leave me alone. Didn't work for long because you know how your uncle is. [He always manages to find a way to turn things on their head. All it took was an interest in it even feigned and Vergil had to abandon it.] But it gave me a small reprieve.
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[He can't help but laugh low under his breath at the anecdote. Little baby Vergil listens to things because he thinks Dante hates them, unless Dante likes them, at which point he decides to hate them. That sounds like the kind of joke Nero would make about the twins.]
What a contrary little brat. [Said fondly though, as dubbed such by another contrary little brat.
The important thing is, he got a damn answer! Sort of!]
Kyrie likes those kind of musical movies too. I've seen more than you probably bet I have. [He also won't admit he enjoys them. Corny as they can be, the sheer entertainment value of real singing and dancing... it's cool, you know?
In response to the hair-petting, he flops a hand on Vergil's knee and gives it a friendly little squeeze. Only because it's a weird angle for him to try going for his hair, over here.]
And look, maybe it's annoying when we're staring at you, but I like learning about you. Stuff you like and what makes you happy.
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[He doesn't know what to say to Nero saying he likes learning about him though, and the words hang there in the air without a response right away. Vergil takes another sip of his tea before setting the mug aside on the nightstand. He takes the plate and places it in his lap, taking his arm and hand back to begin tearing the slice of toast in half.]
That hasn't been a concern of mine in a long time. [It's not much of a confession considering that Nero likely figured that out for himself. But what he says next, Vergil has to take a moment to take a breath and part with it because it's something Vergil has never acknowledged aloud let alone to Nero.] I didn't care much for things while I was still in the human world, and I missed a lot in the decades I was away.
[He offers half the slice of toast to Nero without him having to ask for it. He's not liable to eat all of it anyways, so he'd rather it not go to waste.]
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Things feel a little more solemn when Vergil admits that he didn't care much for things-- either because he didn't or because he couldn't. He was "away" from the human world? That mention puts a little pit in Nero's stomach. The only other option he's aware of is the demon world, the underworld. The place Nero came here to try and rescue him from to begin with. Does that mean...]
Yeah. I kinda figured that much.
[He takes a bite of toast while he figures out what else to say.]
All the more reason you should try lots of things now, right?
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The book that I— That V carried. I only had it for a few days before... I didn't even get a chance to properly read it. And I'd left it behind the day Mother died. I didn't bring it with me to the playground and I never went back for it. I simply took the Yamato and left. [There had been nothing left for Vergil to go back for, only a path forward.] But it survived. Of all the books that were once mine, it was the only one to truly survive the fire and the elements and time.
[He glances at Nero, smiling faintly.]
It was the first thing I reclaimed as my own, but it still felt strange in some ways to call it mine.
[He doesn't know if that actually clarified anything for Nero, but Vergil hopes it does. He hopes Nero understands that the times where he seems indifferent or even outright resistant to new things and experiences isn't because he's a stick in the mud or because of some haughty perspective that nothing new can possibly be as good as what he knew. The day he lost his family was the day Vergil began to lose pieces of himself, and he never once went looking for them again. It's those fragments that he's looking for now. He knows it's an impossible task to reclaim them all and living entirely in the past would serve no purpose, but. He wants as many pieces of himself as he can find back. He owes it to himself and to his family—both those lost and those found—to be the better man he's trying to be. So, he's not always ready for something new. He's not always open to it when there are missing or broken pieces he's trying to account for.]
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[He's quiet then, idly tapping his fingers on Vergil's knee as he explains his thoughts. Nero knows exactly where the book is right now, sitting on his nightstand back at the apartment. Somehow he can almost feel its weight from here, learning exactly how significant it is to Vergil. One piece of a past that he left behind by choice, resurfacing whole and intact. That's a suitable description of Vergil's life so far... as Nero knows it currently, anyway.]
I'm taking good care of it back home. I'll give it back when I can.
[He thinks for a moment before saying anything else, stuck on that first statement he made.]
You can always tell me to back off. If you really don't want to do something. I get excited, finding things you like. But we don't mean to be pushy. It's just how me and Dante...
[The statement fades in his throat before he can finish it, and he knows what treacherous phrase causes this.]
We're all still trying to find ways to connect with each other, you know? Even if we do it differently.
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[Setting the toast back down on the plate, Vergil shakes his head.]
Foolish child... [The arm that once held Nero in a headlock comes to more properly wrap around Nero.] While I appreciate the sentiment behind your words, do you really think I would so much as tolerate let alone silently tolerate anything I did not wish to partake in?
[Even if Nero hasn't necessarily been witness to Vergil's more foul moods, he has seen instances of when Vergil wishes to be left alone. He does not make himself available to others and withdraws quickly. His aptitude for being curt and blunt seems to somehow increase. But in that way, Vergil is not cagey or secretive. His mood and desires are made abundantly clear, and his window of tolerance for not receiving what it is he wants is exceptionally narrow compared to usual as compromise is even less of an option.]
I will concede in that I do not share in the...volume of your uncle's or your enthusiasm, but do not mistake my quiet for dissatisfaction. [The arm around Nero raises slightly so that Vergil can thread his fingers through Nero's hair.] I like when you share things with me and how you go about sharing them.
Admittedly, it reminds me of your mother by the sheer amount and speed at which you talk once you truly get going, [he says with a quiet chuckle,] but your passion for things in life is still entirely your own. And I would not...
[He falters there, his nightmare hanging over them like a specter even if it is not what they are explicitly discussing in this exact moment. But Vergil draws another breath and brushes it aside as best he can.]
I would not want anything to take that from you.
[In that one way, Vergil is especially grateful that Nero is so different from him. Whatever parts of Nero's life that have been less than ideal, Vergil would rather any of those than to have Nero stripped of that vibrancy for life.]
So, unless you feel particularly like providing me with a newfound concern, I would suggest you start making plans for which music store you have in mind to drag me to without any sort of proper warning for in the next few days.
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[His tone is teasing, but his smile is tilted a little closer to relief when his father hassles him over what wasn't exactly an apology... a boundary check, maybe. Nero's not under any impression that Vergil is capable of being FORCED to do anything he doesn't want to. But neither does he want to force Vergil to have to bring it up between them. As anxious as he is about pissing off his dad, he's certain Vergil is similarly if not even more anxious about shoving Nero away somehow.
Once again, he gives the expected amount of wiggly protest to being held still, though only enough to give him plausible deniability if he's accused of actually enjoying it. The hair thing settles him down again. He can admit he's fond of how this has become a normal point of contact between them. Like feral cat father, like feral cat son.
Nero grins when he's compared to his mother. It's nice to have those little details to fill out his mental picture of her. It's not quite enough to distract him entirely from that falter, and he wonders briefly if something's wrong. But Vergil moves on quickly enough that he decides not to pick at it or dwell on it.]
Are you kidding? I'd like to see anybody fucking try to chill me out. [He bumps Vergil's knee lightly with a fist.] I'm a goddamn supernova.
[He glances over with another, wickeder flavor of grin.]
Good. Cuz if you said no, I would have just found some other way to spring it on you.
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Of course you would have. You're a stubborn brat, [he says, mussing up Nero's hair. Whatever perfunctory resistance that inspires, Vergil ignores and presses a kiss to the crown of Nero's head before smoothing his hair back down with a fond smile. Yes, he is a stubborn brat. One that Vergil is immensely proud of and wouldn't likely be here without. Vergil doesn't say anything to it though, lowering his hand from Nero's hair to give him a few solid pats to his side.] And one that needs to not start winding himself up if he decides to stay here for the night unless he wants to be immensely cranky tomorrow because he stayed up too late.
[As if Vergil wasn't always exceptionally careful about not disturbing Nero when he woke up before him while they were still all crammed together in Vergil's apartment, and let Nero sleep in as late as he pleased.]
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Not that it puts a damper on any of his sass.]
Aww, gee, Dad. First time you've ever called me a brat...
[Why does he sound proud of it...?]
I'm slackin' if it took this long.
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Oh, it didn't, [he teases with a shake of his head.] The thought has been there for quite some time and you've done exemplary work to reinforce it. I just do not always say every thought that comes to my mind unlike someone else I could name.
[Vergil punctuates his statement with a rough pinch to Nero's absolutely not red cheek.]
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So you were holding out on me, then!
[He's not blushing! Nobody say he was blushing! They're lying!!!
He cackles and gently swats at Vergil's hand. The intention wasn't to come in here and roughhouse with him, but... a little bit won't hurt, right?]
Like I said. Nothing and nobody's gonna shut me up.
[He pushes with his feet to lean back on Vergil as hard as he can, then finally slips to flop with his head in his lap, as usual. He's sticking his tongue out when he lands. Kind of a miracle it's not accompanied with the middle finger, just for extra sass.]
How's that toast?
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Ah, there they are. I was beginning to think you'd abandoned all semblance of manners. [He releases Nero's chin and lets him be.] But I suppose I owe you an apology for doubting you. Your toast appears to have done the trick.
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And there's something he craves in just... the reassurance that comes with playful brattiness, roughhousing, teasing... disapproval that's not about his strength. Just about him acting like a bit of a shit because it's fun to tease his dad.
His tongue draws back into his mouth when Vergil lets him go, and at once he's back to being nearly 24 instead of 4.]
Great! I told you. It works every time.
[He takes the opportunity to reach up and muss Vergil's hair in turn, though it's a little more affectionate than it is taunting, somehow.]
No more bad dreams tonight.
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[Vergil smooths his hair back into place for all the good that it does when it will inevitably end up back in his eyes again come morning. Even now, a few rebellious loose strands fall out of place.]
No more bad dreams, [he echoes in agreement before there's light, repeated jabs to Nero's ribs.] Assuming you let me sleep at all tonight. This appears to be a recurring issue when I let you sleep in here.
[He uses the continued poking and prodding at Nero as a means of settling and laying back down himself without really having to completely move Nero off him entirely.]
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Jeez. You knock a few of those strict slicked-back strands loose and you can really see the resemblance between them.
Nero is astute enough to move this way or that, letting Vergil lie back without too much fuss.]
Good thing you ate your toast. I was gonna have to keep you up all night just in case.
[As for Nero, he looks extremely comfortable right where he is and shows no sign of departing.]
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[The petting of Nero's hair and allowing him to remain flopped on top of him like an occasionally wriggly weighted blanket likely somewhat undermines any potential notion there's anything serious behind the remark though. Vergil spares a glance down at Nero before looking up at the ceiling.]
[He doesn't say it—not because he's concerned it wouldn't be well-received, but rather because he feels it isn't necessary—but he's a little glad Nero didn't leave him on his own. Well. Not a little. A lot, actually. But still, he's glad. As much as Vergil doesn't wish to particularly place his well-being on Nero's shoulders as his responsibility, Nero proved to be not just a good distraction for putting the nightmare out of his mind, but a comforting one. He's safe. He's himself. He's a mild pain in the ass and a little too smart with his mouth for his own good, but he... He cares. He cares a lot and perhaps more than he should or Vergil deserves from him, but he cares.]
[It's something Vergil is still working out for himself. The notion that people care. That it's okay to let them. He's not... Well, no, he's actually terrible at allowing for that. But he's been trying to let it happen more lately. He doesn't question it as much when Dante goes out of his way and does something considerate for Vergil. He tries not to rationalize the kind things Mizu does for him as being something rooted in her usual pragmatism. As much as he can, he tries not to bristle and go looking for thinly veiled insults when Nero wants to help. None of it is easy. He still slips up from time to time, and he knows his instinct will always be to lick his wounds in private than allow them to be witness to any sort of vulnerability or weakness. But he's trying. He's trying all the time to convince himself that he finally has everything that he's ever wanted.]
[Turning his head aside to rest his cheek against the pillow, Vergil lays there silently for a little while before he reaches a decision.]
I love you, too, Nero.
[It still feels like a risk to say. There's likely never going to be a scenario in which Vergil does not feel like he is tempting fate, and they are probably always going to be words that Vergil will want to draw back the moment they leave his mouth. But he knows he's not the best at clearly demonstrating it, and worse yet at receiving and recognizing it in return. So, regardless of how Nero reacts or what he says—if he even says anything at all—or Vergil's own discomfort in saying it, he decided it's more important to acknowledge it. Because there have been and likely will be plenty of doubts and uncertainties in their relationship as father and son, but Vergil knows this should not be one of them.]
[So, he says it with no meandering preamble or confusing allusions. He learned his lesson with all of that a while ago, and offers the plain truth instead. What Nero does with it is entirely up to him, but it's his to have regardless. As it always should have been the moment he was conceived had Vergil not unwittingly withheld it from him by his decision to run. The guilt of that is not likely something that will leave Vergil anytime soon, but it's not where he places his attention right now. Right now, Vergil is with his son who made the conscious choice to stay even when he knew Vergil would not have taken any particular offense had he chosen otherwise, and is more grateful for that decision than he can likely ever express.]
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[The simple pleasures of annoying your dad. Nero doesn't think he'll ever get tired of savoring them.
He's about to get up and move to a more sensible position, maybe slide under the covers and settle in to actually fall asleep, but then Vergil says something he genuinely never expected to hear.
And like... look. He knows, on some level, that Vergil loves him. Parents are supposed to love their kids, and Vergil's gone above and beyond to prove that he wants to be the best father he's capable of being. He's said it, over and over again, how much Nero means to him and all the things he'd do to protect him. Even had trouble finding words to describe it. But if the idea of having a father who exists in his life is strange and new, the idea of hearing him say that he loves him is on a whole other level. Especially when that father is Vergil. Mr. Never Ever Vulnerable Under Pain of Death.
There's a moment where Nero just stares back at him with a disconcertingly blank, mystified look on his face. It might feel like an eternity, even though it's only a few seconds. It's the time it takes Nero to vividly recall what he almost said a little bit ago, to realize Vergil guessed it, to think he ought to just say it, to second-guess himself, and to repeat the process another six times before he finally gives any indication what he's thinking.
Yeah. Okay.]
Feels weird for us to even say it, huh? [From where they started to where they are now... that Nero can actually think it and mean it when he says] I love you too, Dad.
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[Besides, Vergil didn't say it for his own benefit. And he certainly didn't say it because he expects to hear it back. It's an important thing for Vergil to remind himself of that as Nero stares blankly as he processes. He said it because he felt it was important for Nero to hear it. Regardless of the outcome.]
[...Oh, but how pleased and warm does Vergil feel to hear Nero say it back.]
[Vergil is so good, so well-trained in tamping down on his reactions. He taught himself how to cut them off at the pass, push them all so far away until it nearly felt like the emotions were happening to someone else. He isn't nearly so aggressive with them these days, but he still maintains a tight control over his emotions. He cannot now, however. He tries, of course. It feels immediately foolish to try, of course, as the attempt is futile in the end, but instincts and habits die especially hard when they were what keep one going for as long as they have for Vergil.]
[He turns his blurry gaze away from Nero, but despite his best efforts, his smile is not lessened in any capacity. Vergil is privately grateful his bedroom is at least dark enough that it would be difficult for Nero to tell how much his face is flushing over how difficult it is not to smile. It is absurd how much he's smiling. Utterly ridiculous. But he cannot help himself. Not when he knows it's something he's earned, something Nero came to feel with enough time and work between them. Vergil has probably never been prouder of himself, certainly not as a father. He definitely hasn't been as grateful to Nero. Not as himself, in any case. He takes a breath before he speaks again.]
Come, [he says pushing down the other side of the blankets for Nero to get settled.] You should get some sleep.
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But that's kept to himself, and a little warm smile of his own. Nero would never in a million years make a crack about Vergil smiling, or his honest reactions to what he knows must be an important thing for him to hear. That's why he said it, after all. Because some things are better said out loud than left to implication. Especially when they both know Vergil would consider it presumptuous to even guess such a thing.
When Vergil moves the blankets he finally sits up and scoots to the edge of the bed, just enough to kick off his lounge pants and dress down to his boxers. Then he slides under the covers and settles in with his arms pillowed behind his head.]
I'll tell you a bedtime story, if you want. Comes with the package.
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